How to deal with childless friend?

My childless friend spent the weekend with me and actually disciplined my daughter. I never gave her permission to do this. My daughter tried to climb on her and my friend told her, "Please take your shoes off before you climb on me." When my daughter ignored her, my friend said in a firm tone, "If you don't take your shoes off, I'm not going to let you climb on me." When I asked her why my daughter had to take her shoes off she said that my daughter kicks and thrashes around a lot and she didn't want to get hurt. She didn't yell at her, but she used a very firm tone, like she is the parent or teacher. I don't like it, but I don't know how to confront my friend. Another time my daughter put a corn holder in her mouth and my friend said very firmly, "Spit that out of your mouth right now. Those are not to go in your mouth. That's dangerous." Again, she didn't yell, but she was too firm (my daughter is only 2). Maybe I should just get rid of this friend?

How to deal with childless friend?
I think your friend was perfectly within her rights to ask your daughter to remove her shoes....I wouldn't want to get bonked in the head by a toddler with shoes on that was using me as a jungle gym. The corn holder thing....she could have said nothing and allowed your daughter to injure herself. I think she did the right thing again. People will speak to your daughter in different tones and use different wording that you would use. It's good for her to get used to dealing with people who speak to her in different ways.
Reply:Maybe you should discipline %26amp; look after your own child so other people won't have to.





I don't see why this woman even comes over to see you.





If my kids are being rude or hurting a houseguest by stomping on them with their shoes, I expect my guest to feel free to correct them.





And if they've got something dangerous in their mouth and I don't see, I appreciate someone saying something then, as well.
Reply:Um, if you think that's discipline, then you better ask this woman for some more advice. You're lucky your daughter didn't choke on the corn holder--that's just common sense. Not only would I have said spit it out, but I would've had my hand ready to go fishing for it. Additionally, it's rude to climb on people without their permission at any age--especially with shoes on. Not only would your daughter kicked her, but she would have gotten dirt and bacteria on your friend's clothing. At 2, your daughter is not an infant. In fact, at 10 mos, your daughter knew the concept of "no." She's old enough for a time out at age 2 and you should be grateful that your friend feels comfortable enough to help you with your daughter--she is lightening your load.
Reply:Your friend has every right not to want to be kicked or even stepped on with your daughters shoes on. If it's a problem to have her shoes off, she should not be climbing on anyone. As far has having a corn holder in her mouth, THAT IS DANGEROUS. YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE SERIOUSLY HURT! What if she fell and the the prongs when through her cheek. Not very smart.





I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you asked.





Sounds to me like your friend is more responsible than you are. Definately keep her around.
Reply:You need to discipline your child and if you aren't going to do it, then be prepared to confront this until your child is grown. Friends will discipline her, teachers will discipline her, if she goes over to her friend's houses then other moms will discipline her, family members will discipline her and in the end it still won't be enough because it didn't come from you. If you want to dictate how she is discipline then you better start doing it or it will always come from one else and you will have no control over how it's dished out.
Reply:I agree with everyone else, your friend has behaved perfectly reasonably. If you heard her ask your daughter to take her shoes off, why did you not reinforce this request yourself? Then your friend wouldn't have had to be more firm. And in a dangerous situation like the corner holder, I would want anyone who saw it to be extremely firm so my child didn't get injured. It is irrelevent that she is childless.
Reply:OMG, so you want your daughter to climb on your friend with her shoes on and hurt her? Or you want her to get hurt on the sharp edge of the corn holder if she were to fall with it in her mouth? Where were you when your friend had to discipline your daughter for you? Does your two year old do whatever she wants?
Reply:1. You need to keep your daughter from climbing all over your friend if it makes your friend uncomfortable.





2. If you weren't doing that, your friend had to say something.





3. Your daughter needs to learn from other people's reactions that what she did wasn't welcome.





4. On the other hand, she is 2. She doesn't understand the sequence of taking off her shoes in order to climb all over someone, so in this case, you should have removed your daughter's shoes, or removed your daughter from the friend.





This has nothing to do with being childless. Don't use that against your friend. I have a 20 month old, and would say the same thing, especially if their mother sat by and watched without doing anything.
Reply:I read your phrase "actually disciplined my daughter" and was expecting to find that some sort of punishment had been meted out. I didn't find it. Your question suggests that you are overly-possessive about your child, to an unhealthy degree.
Reply:Honestly, I see nothing wrong with what your friend did. I have a 2 year old and a 7 year old. It does hurt when they climb on you with there shoes on. Nothing wrong with telling her what she did. As far as the corn holder in the mouth. Your daughter could of choked on it. She was doing you a favor, I am sure you didn't see it or you would of told your daughter the same thing.


I think you are getting bent out of shape for no reason. If she is not screaming at your daughter then whats the big deal. Sounds like your friend is just trying to help your child develop good social skills and keeping her from getting hurt.
Reply:One of my closest friends is childless as well and spends time with us ( my daughter is also 2). She looks out for my child as if she were her own. Have you not heard about how it takes a village to raise a child?That's what friends are for ! You must not value your friendship very much because you are willing to let a friend go over that. Sad. I am glad I am not your friend.


I must say that I look out for my other friends' children as they do mine. I am ALWAYS glad to have an extra set of eyes on hand!


This is how kids learn to respect all people of authority , not just you.


Your friend is HELPING you not hurting . You should recognize that difference before you go giving up a friend, unless they don't mean that much to you to begin with.
Reply:Gee, I don't know. From what you describe, I'd say your friend was being perfectly appropriate.





Too firm is, of course, a matter of perspective, and perhaps there's more to her body language that you can't communicate in writing.





But it isn't as if your friend gave her a time out or took away a toy. That's the kind of discipline that needs to be handled by the child's parent.





I wouldn't abandon this friend - it sounds like she's made a real effort to maintain your relationship now that baby makes three, and that's priceless.
Reply:It seems to me like your friend is only trying to help your daughter learn how to interact properly. I do know how you feel as I am very protective of my daughter and get annoyed when others try to take on my role.





From what you say I don't think she was too forceful and may not even realise that she has annoyed you.





However, if it is an issue with you then I suggest you disuss it with her in a friendly way. It's definitely not worth losing a friendship over.
Reply:be thankful you have a friend that is trying to help you and yes those corn holders are very dangerous could of done damage to her mouth or tongue and yes when a child climbs and thrashes around those shoes do hurt plus where were you when these things were taking place, a neighbor lost sight of her toddler he went with the older children a big wheeler came by you got it parent did not know child had left the child was laying on the road way with it's brains that popped out of it's head and yes the child had no chance. So look at it as a extra set of eyes and helping you not harming you.
Reply:No you're friend is just being concerned. Do you realize how awful she would've felt if your daughter swallowed a corn holder? That's not really discipline, either, it's just teacher her manners - which at two years old she probably hasn't the slightest what they mean, but she'll remember. If you don't like it, talk to your friend and say, "i know you're just concerned but, i'll handle it. thanks, though." and that should take care of it. You, as the parent, should be the one that is teaching your daughter these things, so your friends doesn't have too. For instance, you should've stepped in about the corn holders, before your friend could've - and you should've stepped in when she started climbing on your friend. At two, you should be starting to teach your daughter respect, manners and etc.. For instance, climbing on people - even thought she's, "just a child," she needs to learn before she gets to big. it wont be cute in a few years :)





Sorry if i sounded rude - i know you won't pick me as best answer but that's how I feel.
Reply:It's annoying when children misbehave and their parents do nothing.
Reply:Your daughter may only be 2, but she will need to learn there are more authority figures than just her parents. As long as your friend is only giving her verbal instructions on what she needs to do, I think you should leave it alone. If it were to turn into yelling, "time-out", or spankings, do step in and inform your friend she has crossed the line.





Just because your friend is childless, doesn't mean she doesn't like your child or children. As a mother, I know it can hurt when my child climbs on me with her shoes; I would have asked her to remove them too. As for the corn holders, your friend was looking out for the well-being of your child. How would you have felt if your friend had said nothing and then your child choked on them?





She's your friend for a reason... keep her.
Reply:It sounds like the real issue here is that you felt that she should have come to you and made you be a parent to your daughter. That's called tattle-telling. Honestly, your daughter needs to learn that you are not going to be her only authoritian in life. She will have to learn to listen to coachs, teachers, etc. I don't think your friend was being mean...she may of actually saved your daughters life with the corn cob thing. The fact that she has no children should not play a part. Are you looking down on her because of this? People without kids may not understand why the sink gets piled with dishes or why you can't go to the bar on a Friday night...they aren't ignorant on pain and choking hazards. Sounds like you may have a good friend after all....
Reply:Sounds like maybe she is trying to make a point to you that you need to discipline her better! If a kid kicked me while climbing on me I do the same thing! And why would a good parent let her 2 year old put a corn holder in her mouth! Think about it! She's just looking out for your kid!
Reply:Honestly, it doesnt sound like anyone is in the wrong but you. Your friend has done nothing wrong but tell your child in a firm voice that something was wrong and she shouldn't do it. She didnt yell at your child, she didnt hit your child. She stopped your child from doing something that could hurt her (the friend) and something that could have REALLY hurt your daughter. Do you want your daughter to think it is ok to climb and jump on people with shoes on and hurt them or that its ok to put sharp objects in her mouth. Your friend did you a favor. Start watching your child and getting on to her yourself so that others dont have to do it for you. So no, YOU shouldn't get rid of this friend, but she should DEFINITELY get rid of you.
Reply:Well, I currently don't have any children. However, all of my friends have kids and I am very close to them; in fact I'm the children's god- mother. Honestly, somtimes I get a little annoyed with the kids and wonder how my friends do it.


How close are you all? I don't see anything wrong when your friend said in a firm tone "to take off the shoes or else you cannot climb on me". Sometimes you have to use that kind of psychology with kids, in order to get them to do what you want. You might want to figure out what this friend means to you. Regardless, I think you should definitely tell this friend how you feel at that very moment; not in front of your daughter though. Try to have compassion for your friend, who knows; maybe she had bad experiences with children. All in all, please discuss your feelings with this person before you loose a "friend".
Reply:You probably feel ganged up on here, but the truth of the matter is that you are a bit too sensitive on this issue. I don't classify the examples you have given as disciplining at all... she was a) trying to keep something from hurting her and b) trying to keep something from hurting your daughter.





I do agree as well that after she told your daughter the first time that it was painful when she did that, you should have stepped in and made her stop climbing on her when she didn't stop. Your friend probably wishes that you had, too... because as an adult without children I am always VERY careful about this and I HATE it when I have no choice but to say something because the parent either isn't around or isn't stepping up. If you do say something to your friend, it's very likely she will not be your friend much longer, and it won't be her fault.
Reply:why would you get rid of your friend?? that makes no sense. Your child, no matter what age, should not be allowed to do as she pleases. kicking is out of line, and putting small objects in her mouth is not good at all. What would you say if she did not say anything, and you shild choked on the corn holder?? how would you feel then. I think everyone has a mothering instinct in them.
Reply:The shoes thing isn't a big deal. She didn't wanna be kicked. And your kid didn't listen. And maybe she thought the corn holder wasn't safe and that you didn't notice she had it in her mouth. Sounds like she was looking after her.
Reply:if i don't want my friends to talk in a certain way to my child then that friendship is not strong enough for me to worry about loosing(so you should end it). if it is a long time friend, with kids or no kids, then i would not mind them correcting my child especially if they were trying to keep them from danger. with the shoe thing i would have stopped my kid from climbing on someone that didn't want to be climbed on before that person would have to use a tone that was firm. maybe b/c you did not correct her from climbing, the friend tried to in her own way.
Reply:I don't think this was out of line at all! I wouldn't allow a child to climb on me with shoes on either. After one request (and no help from the mother) I would change my tone also. YOU as the mother should have removed your child or her shoes. Just because she is childless doesn't give you the right to allow your child to do things to her she doesn't want done. As for the corn holder. I would be greatful that my friend was looking out for my child's safety. Those things ARE dangerous! Where were you?
Reply:first off shoes are dirty and meant to be worn outside and if your friend didn't want to get hurt because your daughter does thrash around a bit then she was justified in what she said. With the corn holders well if you had noticed them in your daughters mouth would you have told her to spit them out, i should hope so and in that case your friend was looking out for the best interests of your daughter. Those corn holders are sharp and your daughter is lucky she didn't get hurt. Be thankful you have a friend that is willing to look out for your daughter and at the same time putting limits on what your daughter can and cannot do with her. She sounds like a nice friend to me.
Reply:Do you have a lack of disipline with your daughter? Putting a corn holder in her mouth is very dangerous and your friend was trying to protect her. Why is a 2 year old climbing on people and thrashing around? She should know how to behave by now.





If you don't like what your friend says confront her on it and tell her how you feel.





We have 3 kids and since we had our first we found out it was extremly hard to have childless friends.
Reply:There is nothing at all wrong with what your friend did. Your friend did not like being climbed on with dirty shoes, and did not want to be kicked with shoes on. I think your friend did the right thing. She was nice about it, your daughter ignored her, so she was a little more firm.


On the second instance, with the corn holder, your friend is 100% right in doing what she did. Your daughter could have accidentally swallowed it, or could have punctured her tongue or gums with the pointy end of the corn holder.





If I were you , instead of thinking of getting rid of your friend, I would thank her for helping teach your daughter not to put sharp objects in her mouth, unless its a fork
Reply:As they always say you should start them young...there was nothing wrong with what your friend did.She was firm and your daughter is only 2 as you say but could already understand.



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