Ch. 1 of my book Feedback!!?? I'm 15y/o?

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Ch 1: Rich Teen Poor Attitude


The sunlight illuminated through a partial opening of the velvet drapes, which faintly lit the dark bedroom. The stillness was shattered by the loud buzz of an alarm clock quickly silenced by the pound of a fist. A bed creaked, as a slim formed rose from the mound of blankets. This form, this young man, with dark caramel hair, and brown eyes was Damien Risquette. Better known as the infamous 14 year old heir to the Risquette Stock Marketing and Real Estate empire. Sluggishly Damien walked to the drapes, shivering as his bare feet touched the wood floors. Spreading open the drapes, the sunlight lit the entirety of the big bedroom. Which was clean and spotless thanks to Selena Rogue, the housemaid. Looking out the window, he took in the view of Central Park, just across the street. Yawning, he then went to the bathroom to washed up then headed to the doors opposite his bathroom which led to his walk-in closet. Automatic lights lit the closet, as Damien walked inside. Grumbling, and muttering profanity, Damien stepped over two Armani leather coats that he had threw on the floor the night before so carelessly. In the back of the closet was a drawer he opened which kept his school uniforms. He attends The Wimble Preparatory Academy. Loosening his tie, he finished the navy blue and white school uniform. Exiting the closet, and then the room he was but not even partially ready for events about to unfold. For he was to preoccupied with his angered outlook on the little things that most pay no attention to. In other words, it was another day in the life of Damien Christco Risquette. Descending to the 1st floor Damien plotted a way to convince his parents he was “sick“ and that going to school would be a bad decision. Every weekday morning, either his mother Kate, or father Joseph had to quite literally force him to school or suffer consequences to which they as parents never carried out. Today neither were home as the house was empty, much to the glee of Damien. Selena must have taken the day off Damien thought to himself as he checked the foyer, the kitchen and the family room just to be sure he was alone. With the house occupied only by himself, he basked in the event there would be no arguments or protests between his parents and himself. With his mind made up that he was not going to school, he plopped down on one of the over stuffed leather chairs in the living room, preparing to waste the day away. Flipping through the channels, Damien drifted in and out of sleep. Refusing to climb back up the 3 floors to his room, he dozed off on the chair. “Child, you better wake up.” Damien sprang awake catching his balance before he fell out of the chair. He turned behind him and saw Selena, standing in the foyer, shaking her head in utter disappointment. “You better get up and get to school”, she said sternly, Trying to create a believable lie Damien stuttered, “I-I already went to school but felt sick and got released early. Surely the school must have called to tell I would be home early.” “Yeah, the school did call, but the call was about you not even going this morning” Selena said, almost proud of herself for catching Damien in his twist of lies.


Putting down her purse on the table by the front door, she walked past Damien into the kitchen where the phone was. “Today is March 17 2009,” the machines female voice stated. “You have 1 message. ‘Hello this is Patricia from the Academy, Damien once again is absent from school. This is the 12th time he’s been absent in a row. Please note that the next time this happens, the school will have to bring it up to the attention of the Board of Education of New York.’” The answering machine beeped, then turned off. Selena turned back around to face Damien who had the look of a caught fugitive. “Hmm” was she said. Simple as can be. Walking into the kitchen, to put away the dishes Selena said to Damien “your mother called on my way here. She’s returning from her business meeting in Chicago. If you go to school now, I won’t tell her you tried to pull a fast one.” Unlike his parents whom were lenient, Selena who was much like a third parent, never backed down when she made up her mind. Damien didn’t get to make the decisions when she was around. His parents were perfectly fine with it to. They were glad to have someone teaching Damien some discipline. Damien still sitting in the chair whispered under his breath. Selena turned around to face him, holding a plate in her hand and asked “did you have something to say? I hear you whispering, if you‘re going to talk speak up.” Realizing he needed to shut his mouth before that dish in Selena’s hand ended up flying in his direction, Damien quickly replied “I was just talking to myself.” “Yeah, that’s what you better have been doing” Selena warned, turning back around to the dishwasher. Damien got off the chair, walked to the closet behind him, and grabbed his backpack, and a pair of dress shoes, mandatory by the Academy to wear. “You better grab a coat. It was freezing when I was outside” Selena warned, finishing up with the dishes. “The weather looks fine, I can see outside the window” Damien smugly replied back, rolling his eyes. “You roll your eyes at me again, I’ll pick them out” Selena threatened, startling Damien who thought she had her back faced to him. “If you don’t want a coat, fine. But don’t come whining home, complaining to your parents when you get a cold” she fired back, throwing the cleaning wipe in the trash bin under the sink. “I’ll be glad if I get sick” Damien coyly replied. Selena shook her head, as she left the kitchen, to go upstairs to do laundry. Stopping in the kitchen doorway, she turned to Damien, sighed then said “you have such a hard head you know. Just for once, I wish you would just listen when someone say something to you.” Wanting to get the conversation over with, Damien grabbed a coat from the closet, almost ripping it as he yanked it off the hanger. Not getting a reply from Damien, Selena walked to the closet, to pick up two other coats that fell off their hangers, when Damien pulled his down. Sitting on the couch to put on his shoes, and stuff his jacket into his backpack, which was filled with crumbled papers and such, he said “I bet you will feel guilty one day if I run away because of how you treat me. It‘s like I‘m in military school” Selena who was headed to the staircase stopped and turned to Damien. Smiling she replied “boy, I’ll be joyous if you ran off, that’ll mean less clean up for me to do ‘round here. Also, I’m not harsh with you, I’m just trying to teach you some discipline so you grow up to be a behaved, well-mannered young man. But I can‘t make you become that person. There ain’t nobody can help or save you but yourself, I want you to remember that.” Damien pondered that thought as he stood up and walked to the front door. Selena added, “I’ll call your driver, he’ll be outside in 15 minutes or so. Now go to school and have a good day.” Opening the door, he replied “there is no good day if it’s a school day for me.” “Keep your mouth shut, you will have a good day” Selena replied. Damien pondered that thought also. Filing it away in his short-term memory he said “I’ll try that, bye.” Selena replied bye back then went upstairs to finish her work. Damien stood in the foyer still thinking about ditching school. But he knew he had to go. Someway, somehow Selena would find out. “I have eyes for the eye in the back of my head” he remembers her saying when he was a little kid, when he would try and sneak out of timeout. Reluctantly he opened the front door and slowly stepped outside. Whether Damien was ready or not, he was going to face much more than a day of school. He is going to face the real world. Where money cannot buy acceptance, and acceptance is gained from the amount of respect and dignity you hold for yourself and others.


Two characteristics that are quite risqué for the Risquette’s.

Ch. 1 of my book Feedback!!?? I'm 15y/o?
I remember reading a part of this - and like last time, it's pretty good. I like how it's told through third person narrative which is becoming more and more uncommon. I like the plot and I think it will appeal to a lot of teen readers, and the character of Damien is kind of spunky and likeable. It kind of stands out what (you've written, I mean, in terms of style).





Of course, you will need to edit (paragraphing and minor spelling), but all in all, a very good start - good use of words and word choice! I'm glad you posted this - I like it. Keep up the good work.... it's kind of impressive. I like the second-last line.





Good job. =]
Reply:Its nice. Try re-reading it, a few grammatical errors, thats all.





And how about the floor being tile? It would be colder. Because wooden floors generally don't get that cold..
Reply:=0 How did you not have to add Additional Details?!
Reply:WoW thats long:DD lol:))
Reply:thats really good i like it...are u gonna get it published when its done...id buy it ahaha wat happens next??
Reply:That’s a really good Story. I like it.


Well Done, You should keep writing, You’re really good at it.





= )
Reply:i'm with the first answer !
Reply:It's really good... Just a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes but its fine other than that. Keep writing your story and you will be better at it... :D



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